Happy new decade everyone. Forget the gym. Forget the tired, lame excuses for resolutions you’ve heard and made for years.
Let’s talk sports. You can worry about your diet later. Here are some resolutions some sports figures should be making as we head into 2020 …
Kevin Durant: Delete my Twitter account.
Jason Garrett: Update Monster.com account to “premium.”
Tylan Wallace: Renew apartment lease in Stillwater for another nine months.
Jalen Hurts: Announce commitment to be spokesperson for d-Con.
Mike Gundy: Repeat to myself 10 times a day, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. I will not kick field goals.”
Spencer Rattler: Send monthly bouquet of “Forget Me Nots” to coach Lincoln Riley.
Billy Donovan: Try really, really hard, even though it’s very, very difficult to reduce my adverb use.
Russell Westbrook: Perfect the just-right, heart-felt wave to use at first game in Oklahoma City as a member of the Rockets.
Matt Rhule: Get agent to work on new deal for men’s sideline apparel.
Lincoln Riley: Re-design bowl trophy case into a Big 12 trophy case.
Ed Orgeron: Finish “Cajun to English Dictionary for Dummies.”
Dylan Buckingham: Really work on my attitude. Try to see things more positively.
Kenneth Murray: Get that money.
Nick Saban: Begin film study for 2028 non-conference game against Western Louisiana State.
Sam Mayes: See if “OUSam” vanity plate is available.
Baker Mayfield: Scan Twitter and all platforms of social media to find new chips to put on shoulder.
Bob Stoops: Add Landry Jones as a “friend” on Facebook.
Sam Presti: Compile a list of people to contact with an “I told you so” letter.
Todd Lisenbee: Really work on my attitude. Try to see things more positively.
Jim Harbaugh: Revise schedule to play no road games and no games against better teams. Basically see if Purdue is available to play seven times per season.
Brock Vandagriff: Respond to every Facebook invite with “Maybe.”
Tom Herman/Sam Ehlinger: I will not make any resolutions for 2020.
Brent Venables: Set voicemail to decline all calls from any athletic directors.
Paul George: Update, “Days I haven’t torn apart an NBA team from the inside” calendar.
Mike Steely: Figure out a way to add Tiger Woods as a squad member on Fortnite.
Urban Meyer: Connect networks on LinkedIn with Jimmy Haslem.
Jerry Jones: Finally finish that damn letter to the commissioner’s office explaining why an owner is perfectly capable of naming himself a coach.
Tom Brady: Set your goals high. Reach higher. You only won one Super Bowl in 2019. Try and win two Super Bowls in 2020.
A.J. Hinch: Find new, louder, more durable trash cans.