Andrew Gilman

No. 1 in a No. 2 business

No. 1 in a No. 2 business

Anyone can tell you how great Augusta National is.

Buy a postcard. You can see for yourself. You don’t need me to confirm how green the grass is or what the view is like looking down No. 11 fairway. You can see that on TV.

But you don’t know about the bathrooms. You may never know what it’s like to walk the grounds at the Masters, but you should know what it’s like to take a leak in the most-efficient, best bathroom to border a golf green.

Seems odd to talk about a urinal when there’s Amen Corner. Seems odd to talk about sinks when there’s the Sarazen Bridge, but life is a crazy adventure. Here we are.

Think Disney Fast pass. Lines that snake around and back through. Looks like it would take an hour, instead it took five minutes. If only our government ran as smoothly. I don’t know how they did it, but then again I’m not real sure how popcorn pops or how a car engine can start remotely. There’s sorcery involved. A mix of devil feathers and randomness. Who knows, but the line moves, people pee and bathroom attendants shout and move people through and around in a superbly unique fashion.

And it’s not just the bathrooms. It’s everything. Want a sandwich? Beer? Golf jacket or novelty item? All of it magical. Lines that appear to be endless move quickly. You’ve heard about how affordable drinks and food are, but you have no idea what it’s like to navigate the crowds in such a fashion. Baffling. All of it.

Egg salad and beer just taste better when it works the way it does at Augusta. If Burger King was this impressive I’d eat a Whopper for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Perhaps it’s because everyone on the grounds is in a good mood. And perhaps it’s because no one has a cell phone or a pager or any electronic device (they are not allowed on the course; you have to enter through a metal detector) that aids in the process, but everything is near perfect – and that’s not even counting the greens or the fairways.

It’s the little things.

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