Andrew Gilman

Always and for-never: A few absolutes for life

Always and for-never: A few absolutes for life

A few rules to live by.

Always cut your sandwich in half. Makes it taste better. Plus it makes it seem like you get two sandwiches.

Lincoln Riley should never punt. No one should on 4th-and-5 or shorter.

An NFL coach should never play a superstar in an exhibition game.

An NFL player-to-be should never attend the draft for free.

Always take Monday off coming back from vacation.

A Major League Baseball manager should never have a player sacrifice bunt. You only get 27 outs. No sense giving one away for free.

Never put the milk in the bowl before the cereal.

Always wear protective footwear when getting cryotherapy.

Never turn down a chance to pet a dog.

Never re-heat French fries.

Never go to Taco Bell and complain it’s not “authentic Mexican food.”

Never take a long 2-pointer.

Never draft a kicker before the final round in your fantasy football draft. Or a defense. Never, ever draft two kickers. Ever.

Always prescribe a glass of water to anyone not feeling well. Always take that same advice when given to you.

Always complain, “They never throw to the tight end anymore” when watching a football game among strangers. It makes you look really smart.

Always say, “I never do this” after hitting a really bad shot in golf. People love hearing that.

Always yell, “Box Out!” before each free throw. Fundamentals should never be forgotten.

Never ask for an autograph from anyone if you’re older than 13.

Always bring hummus to the first football tailgate of the year. Guarantee spike in popularity to ensue.

Never complain about what Russell Westbrook is wearing, what Baker is saying or what Colin Cowherd is arguing.

Always tell everyone who will listen that “sports aren’t what they used to be, players are soft and no one can hit anyone any more in football.”

Never turn down a mint when offered.

Always say, “We sure could use some rain,” if you’re 30 or older.

Never make any assumptions about a NBA game after seeing a first-quarter score.

Always get peanuts when you go to the ballpark.

Never complain about how far back your team is in the standings at a minor league ballpark.

If you’re a football coach, always know when to go for two.

If you’re a football fan, always know when a team should go for two.

If you make a hole-in-one buy the drinks and don’t worry about the bill.

Send me yours to @andrewgilmanOK

 

Andrew Gilman

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